Book excerpts on a particular type of abusive relationship and actions.

Note: Only the initial paragraphs were written by myself / Rick McNally

We understand drug abuse.  It is when a person misuses drugs, some of which can be used right and proper in other instances.

We understand verbal abuse.  It is when a person speaks inappropriately to or demeans another human being.

We don’t understand church or spiritual abuse.  But we should.  It is when a person misuses their position or authority in the context of a spiritual role.  They abuse “church” by not acting like they should as ministers (servants), and they abuse “spirituality” by misusing their proper roles of support and help.  To use scripture to cajole or dominate another being is abusive.  It is not “ministry” because “ministry” means “to attend to the needs of another.”

Anyone who is pushed around by spiritual leaders (or by those who think they are spiritual leaders) — physically or verbally, written or spoken — is a victim of some form of spiritual abuse. This could be simple, or very complex with many people involved in the abuse. Just like any other type of abuse, it exists on a continuum from mild to harsher forms.   This could be a one off thing but it often is not, especially when such people are trying to hide the past because it is damaging. Christ would have us serve one another and love one another, not dominate, therefore this is an abuse of his Jesus’ very intentions.

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Excerpt from The Church in Dark Times, Mike Cosper 

I’ve found two definitions particularly helpful. They both make it a point to distinguish spiritual abuse from other kinds—such as physical, sexual, or emotional—though they also acknowledge that the lines between these can be blurred. The first, from Michael Kruger, locates its defining characteristic in its ends:

Spiritual abuse, then, is when a spiritual leader—such as a pastor, elder, or head of a Christian organization—wields his position of spiritual authority in such a way that he manipulates, domineers, bullies, and intimidates those under him, as a means of accomplishing what he takes to be biblical and/or spiritual goals.

The second, from Diane Langberg, focuses on the subject and impact of abuse:

The word spiritual refers to something affecting a human spirit or soul. Abuse means to mistreat another, to deceive or do harm. When we use the word spiritual to describe abuse, we are talking about using that which is sacred—including God’s Word—to control, misuse, deceive, or damage a person created in his image.

Kruger’s definition provides the architecture of spiritual abuse. It requires an element of spiritual authority—whether explicit or implied—and operates with spiritual goals in mind. The latter is a critical element of this issue. Spiritual abuse often goes unrecognized because it fits within a rubric of authority and purpose. A pastor’s abusive behavior will be tolerated for much longer if there are noble “ends” to point to: the church is growing, evangelistic ministry is booming, young people are showing up.

On the other hand, Langberg (as she always does) brings things down to the level of persons made in the image of God, individuals who will bear the scars of abuse for the rest of their lives.

Taken together—the architecture and the individual—the whole picture becomes clear. Spiritual abuse leverages a victim’s deepest beliefs to coerce them in service of a person, group, or institution.

That coercion can take many forms, including physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. It can also aim to gain control over a person’s finances, relationships, or vocational decisions. Whatever the case, spiritual abuse robs a person of agency, depending on their spiritual commitments to be strong enough to compel obedience or submission.

That’s a frightening thing to read—at least I hope it is. It hopefully bears the marks of James 3:1, where the apostle warns that pastors are judged more harshly, or Matthew 18:6, where Jesus warns that anyone who causes one of his little ones to stumble will sleep with the fish.

….

As I’ve considered these questions, I keep tracing the problem back to one issue in particular: authority. If we misunderstand the nature of authority, how it operates, how it collapses, and the healthy limits with which it exists in human relationships (and the church in particular), we’re bound to stumble into disaster.

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Thoughts on Above…

Note the simplicity of what constitutes spiritual abuse.  It is a very ordinary, subtle form of disrespect, but it is also very dangerous, as it leaves devastation in it’s midst.

1. People (individuals or groups) with supposed or actual spiritual authority.
2. Who wield that authority to domineer, bully, manipulate, intimidate, deceive. 
3. Do do their will, even if it is to accomplish what they think to be a biblical or spiritual goal. (such as obey “me”).
4. Sometimes using the very Word of God as a tool or motivation.

Some people think that this is good.  It is not.

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A few more definitions of Spiritual abuse…

Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of a thing, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit.

Websters Dictionary

Abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his/her target subordinated and under their control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical.

Keith Gordon Ford, Bitter Fruit: Dysfunction and Abuse in the Local Church (Eugene, Oregon: Wipf and Stock, 2021).

Note: These include Manipulation, false guilt, false shame, blaming the victim, playing the victim, lying, triangulation (dragging in a third party to confuse the issue), minimization, gaslighting (saying something is not happening which is, or is happening that is not), 

Spiritual abuse can occur when a leader uses his or her spiritual position to control or dominate another person. It often involves overriding the feelings and opinions of another, without regard to what will result in the other person’s state of living, emotions or spiritual well-being. In this application, power is used to bolster the position or needs of a leader, over and above one who comes to them in need.

 Keith Gordon Ford, Bitter Fruit: Dysfunction and Abuse in the Local Church (Eugene, Oregon: Wipf and Stock, 2021).

In another scholarly work, Lisa Oakley and Kathryn Kinmond expand on this definition:

Spiritual abuse is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. It is characterized by a systematic pattern of coercion and controlling behavior in a religious context. Spiritual abuse can have a deeply damaging impact on those who experience it.

Spiritual abuse occurs when the covert aggressive manipulation tactics I described above are used by someone in a position of spiritual authority, misusing their power in order for them to coerce or maintain control. The idea of having a God-given mandate to lead, coupled with coercive manipulation, is insidious and can cause great harm.

Keith Gordon Ford, Bitter Fruit: Dysfunction and Abuse in the Local Church (Eugene, Oregon: Wipf and Stock, 2021).

One reason for the difficulty of recognizing spiritual abuse is that spiritually abusive behaviors function on a spectrum. Some cases are more severe and may include multiple forms of abusive behaviors. Other times, spiritual abuse may appear more subtle, particularly when it is not paired with other forms of abuse. Spiritual abuse often involves manipulation and control that unfold over time. The deceptive aspect of manipulation and coercion increases the challenge of our recognizing spiritual abuse.

 Karen Roudkovski, Understanding Spiritual Abuse: What It Is and How to Respond (Brentwood, TN: B&H Academic, 2024), 45.

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A Church Called Tov

Excerpts from A Church Called Tov / McKnight, Scot, Laura Barringer, and Tish Harrison Warren. A Church Called Tov: Forming a Goodness Culture That Resists Abuses of Power and Promotes Healing. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale Elevate, 2020. Print.

Summaries of Crucial Info…

Eight Phases of a power-through-fear culture / in Chapter 2

1. It begins when power and authority are vested in an individual, and spreads to other leaders in the church.
2. This person’s approval becomes the gold standard.
3. Those who are approved of gain “status ehancement”
4. Power cuts with both sides of the blade.  Those who do not meet with approval find “status degradation.”
5. The power-shaping culture transitions into a fear shaped culture.
6. Judgements and decisions are rendered behind a wall of secrecy. 
7. Behind the wall of secrecy lurks a perpetual fear of status degradation.
8. Removal from the circle entirely.  

What should happen in a church that goes through hard things / in Chapter 3

Key Idea / Finding and telling the truth…

1. Speak God’s Word — that is “use the words God would use to describe sin.”
2. Be specific and succinct, honest and direct.
3. Take unconditional and comprehensive responsibility
4. Express genuine remorse, and humbly ask forgiveness
5. Submit to change
6. Make appropriate restitution.
7. Seek full reconciliation — with an important caveat: “the goal of reconciliation is to restore a sinner to fellowship, not a leader to power.

What actually happens in a toxic church / Chapter 4

Key Idea / False narratives…

1. Discredit the Critics / character assassination / “She’s emotionally unstable,” “lacks Christian integrity” etc.
2. Demonize the Critics / portray them as evildoers who are trying to harm the church and it’s good work.
3. Spin the Story / hijack the narrative and create an alternate version — an intentionally false narrative that supports leadership and creates doubt about the allegations.
4. Gaslight the Critics / a vicious psychological element to false narratives where the victims of spiritual abuse are told things that really happened never really did, and that they are a fabrication.  A very destructive behavior.
5. Make the Perpetrator the Victim / the actual events are reversed as the victims of manipulation are now the perpetrators, and the perpetrators are the victims.
6. Silence the Truth / Do not allow the greater public to know the details of what happened.  Have the person who is the whistleblower sign a Non Disclosure Agreement.  “Tov [good] churches tell the truth. Tov churches do not use NDA’s to prevent the truth from being told.
7. Suppress the Truth / Similar to silencing above, this one is the idea of suppression, “shaming, intimidating, threatening spiritual or financial consequences, or destruction of evidence.”
8. Issue a Fake Apology / “Our final false narrative is what we call the fake apology, which is really not an apology at all. Fake apologies are not issued out of confession or repentance like a true apology. Instead, they condemn the victim, appease the audience, attach excuses, and try to justify inappropriate behavior.”

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What are the effects of Spiritual abuse?

Logos AI / Spiritual abuse can have profound and lasting effects on its victims, impacting their spiritual, emotional, and psychological well-being. According to the articles, one of the most significant consequences is the damage to a person’s spiritual life and beliefs[1]. Many survivors experience doubts about the church, often leading to long-term or permanent avoidance of religious institutions[1]. The abuse can taint previously positive aspects of church life, such as preaching and worship, turning them into sources of pain and anxiety[1]. Victims may develop a distorted view of God, seeing Him as vindictive, angry, or disappointed, which can severely impact their relationship with faith[2]. Some survivors struggle with feelings of betrayal, abandonment, and distrust towards God[2]. The abuse can also affect a person’s sense of meaning, purpose, and significance[2]. Emotionally, victims may experience confusion, hurt, anger, and self-blame[3]. Some turn to destructive behaviors or fall into depression[3]. The trauma can lead to physical symptoms, such as feeling ill when reading the Bible or experiencing anxiety in church settings[3]. Spiritual abuse often leaves individuals feeling spiritually disorganized and emotionally disconnected from God’s love[3]. Recovery from spiritual abuse can be a long process, often requiring skilled counseling and pastoral care[3]. It’s important to note that spiritual abuse can occur in various religious contexts, not just extreme cults, and can be perpetrated by those in positions of spiritual authority[4][5].

[1] Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Reflective, 2022), 106.

[2] Karen Roudkovski, Understanding Spiritual Abuse: What It Is and How to Respond (Brentwood, TN: B&H Academic, 2024), 114.

[3] Ken Blue, Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 1993), 15.

[4] Keith Gordon Ford, Bitter Fruit: Dysfunction and Abuse in the Local Church (Eugene, Oregon: Wipf and Stock, 2021).

[5] Chuck DeGroat and Richard J. Mouw, When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse (Downers Grove, IL: IVP, 2020), 125.

Bully Pulpit / Suffering in Silence / The Devastating Effects of Spiritual Abuse / Kruger, Michael J. Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Reflective, 2022. Print.

Effects of Spiritual Abuse

1. Emotional effects / fear, anger, shame, depression, ptsd
2. Physical effects / “spiritual abuse is prone to create deep and serious mental scars that in turn can produce long-term physiological consequences.”
3. Relational effects / church relationships, ministry relationships, etc.
4. Spiritual effects / doubts about the church, doubts about Christianity, doubts about God, doubts about self.

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Resisting These Kinds of Things / Surviving and Preventing Dark Times

To be a moral actor in dark times, then, one doesn’t need superior intellect or superhuman strength; one simply needs to protect their capacity to think. This means resisting the seductive logic of ideology, being skeptical of a movement’s meaning-making stories, and above all rejecting the idea that the consensus of others should compel us to suspend our capacity to judge.

 Mike Cosper, The Church in Dark Times: Understanding and Resisting the Evil That Seduced the Evangelical Movement (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2024), 123.

To Be a Moral Actor in Dark Times

• Protect your capacity to think.
• Resist the seductive logic of ideology
• Be skeptical of a movement’s “meaning-making” stories
• Reject the idea that the consensus of others should suspend our capacity to judge.